Saturday, July 21, 2012

I Could Never Satisfy You

So here I am. Another relationship failed.
Once again, the MONSTER W.ELLINGSTEIN has crushed a flower.
My immortal desire to please his master has once again won me a returned trip to solitary confinement. Time alone.

I have always wondered what my purpose in life is. I know that’s not an exclusive thought. When I ponder, I think to myself…… What is my purpose in life as it applies to other people? For the longest time in my life the only thing that comes very natural for me is the ability create art and to not trust anyone. Not even myself sometimes. I approach my personal relationships very doubtful. Always waiting for the person to hurt me, or the monster in me to grow. Grow angry and slash all in front of my path with my blade laced tongue of verbal darts.

The ability to truly grow, work through and let go of SELF HARBORING ISSUES, while opening yourself to another is an art form I have yet to master. This is the internal monster that scares the external monster.  I have disappointed so many people in my short lifetime. I have done it directly but mostly indirectly. The shrapnel of love’s bullets and bombs often cause more damage to those around than the target.

The monster must now perform surgery on him self. Try to fix myself.   
Goodnight, until the next time we speak.